Re-thinking my purpose for teaching

Its winter break and I'm human again.  My thoughts are not competing for brain-time.  I realize the strength I have in my family.  All is well.  But the students and duties of teaching still beckon... the day after break will arrive.  So what's my plan of attack???  Do what works, without judgment.  Create worksheets that are interesting and challenging, provide power points without sound (less to hook up), post grades every other week and religiously keep records.  This will serve me well and the students will enjoy peace and order, relatively speaking.  Already I'm writing a mantra to read daily to keep a focus where it should be.  Actually, I want to do more than just survive.  We will see how long this cautious optimism lasts, but maybe that last statement was too pessimistic!

What direction to choose?

   Its not a school day, but I'm still recovering from the overwhelmed feelings from teaching.  My classes are so huge, hovering around 40 students/ class.  I have tried for three days to show a movie, "El Norte", which is a beautiful story about a brother and sister from Guatemala who must leave their home and seek a new life in "the north".  There are so many important lessons about undocumented workers and the life they seek... and find when coming to the U.S.  But my projector's bulb is not bright enough for some of the classrooms with no blinds, and I cannot drag a large TV cart through the overcrowded halls with my regular teaching cart to each classroom.  So its a no-go.  My last hour of the day is located in a particularly uncomfortable room, with a teacher that using two desks, one on either side of the room.  He does not teach my class but since it is his room he uses it for his prep hour, wandering back and forth across the area where I try to give instruction, looking for his papers and shifting his belongings.  It is distracting for me on top of the loud and somewhat vulgar conversations between a quarter of the students during the lesson.

My voice is drowned out by them and the quiet students strain to hear me, their eyebrows furrowed as they strain to hear the lesson from amid the obnoxious behavior of their peers.  Every once in awhile, a disruptive and disrespectful student demands that I repeat something so they can learn.  Once they "get it" they go back to their crudeness: eating (hiding it in desks), picture sharing on phones (under their bags) and jokes about dancing, or who's gay.  If I move on with the lesson without their "consent" they gang up on me  and say I'm a bad teacher.  If I call them out on being too loud or disrupting the lesson they pretend to be interested in the lesson, often a verbal conjugation or constructing/deconstructing the syntax of the language, and promptly go back to their group-talk.  Often enough, they refute my accusation about being disruptive by saying other people are talking too and proceed to challenge me with insults to my teaching.

  
Along with this "dance" of sorts, between teaching the students who want to learn and ignoring/managing the rude students, there are random interruptions: an announcement from the assistant principal, other students entering the class just to say "hi" to other students, or students sent by counseling staff to retrieve a student.  Once, a student was called out then returned with a newspaper article which mentioned her.  She had no intention of going back to the lesson and shared her article with all the peering eyes that accompanied a newspaper photos and captions.  I also have football players, some of whom are being recruited for college.  They come late to class, talk loudly or act silly, then ask to go to their counselor for things of great importance.  Meanwhile I'm writing passes and not teaching.  I have tried to say "no" but they become more belligerent, so I've learned to let them go... Its easier to continue teaching.  Most students who are difficult for teachers know this, and do not request to leave but demand it.  I only have so much energy.  I feel beaten down by the end of the day.

 
 As I drive home from this town bordering Detroit, where most of the establishments are liquor stores, gentlemen's clubs, used car lots or fast food, I pass the boarded up buildings, the apartments with tarps over their roofs, the psychiatric hospital, the tire and rim shops and get on I-94 west.  The semis spray salty road mist over my car and I watch for beaten up cars with reckless drivers.  The nastier the car the less they have to lose in an accident.  I dodge tire tread near the break-down lanes and exit the expressway to Michigan Ave. From there its a series of slow lights and cheap but newer subdivisions, until I enter my little town.  My street looks so humble yet so welcoming.  As soon as I pull into the driveway I begin to think about my children and their homework situation, if they are getting along, and what their needs are.  I drag my heavy bag upstairs to the main floor and deposit it near my desk, where I  leave it until the anxiety of teaching inspires me to open it.  I take deep breaths and smile at my children and dog.  They are my reason for all of this.  God give me the strength for tomorrow.

What happened?

...tried to show part of a movie first hour but no sound. Plan b guide student practice of new vocabulary. Ok. Was given second hour off due to extra sub. Maybe this benevolence is an apology? I take time to scan basic info from my sped students iep's. Found out that hour didn't behave for sub. Still no books for them. Fourth hour students came late bc of lock down while security looked for a stolen laptop. Lost time but did one side of worksheet. One student read jokes from her candy wrappers to the class while I tried leading the lesson. How can my lesson compete? No movie. Fifth hour students filled 38 desks then 5 more came. The teacher stayed in his room and was distracting. The 4 cheerleaders were all chatty at front of class. Students in back looked confused. We completed lesson then saw part of movie. A kind student went to find a tv vcr. There were a few minutes of relative peace and then the principal came in! What good timing. He wanted to see how many desks we needed. I will not hold my breath. 2 min before bell rang students tried to leave bc cell phones said it was time. I push my cart with 40 books and stuff thru halls to tiny office. I climb into room and unpack. I drive home and 40 min later arrive feeling light headed and physically drained. What else to do but lie down.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

What is a professional?

The holiday break is over and the first week of classes has passed. I'm ready to reflect. 

Monday was a normal day: all classes met at their scheduled times. Students seemed peaceful and ready to be back. They missed each other and the routines of the school day. 

My weekly plans would not be useful in two of my four classes due to scheduled testing Tues

thru Thurs. This meant that my Spanish 1A period 2 and my Spanish 2B period 1 would not meet on those days. The weekly plans would be abbreviated to essentials and the quiz would be moved to Monday. My afternoon classes, both Spanish 2B would meet all week normally. This would be a challenge, to keep the 2B classes "on the same page" so to speak, without all of the classes meeting with the same frequency. 

It turned out to be an opportunity to focus my behavioral plan, developed over the break, within the afternoon classes, which have been my most difficult to teach. The quality of instruction had been weaker in those hours the 2 1/2 weeks before the break, so I took the opportunity to teach with greater

depth while keeping track of the behavior with scientific impartiality. 

My goal is that their participation grade reflect their behavior regarding: use of cell phones, profane language, disruptive talk and movement, cheating, tardies and unexcused absences, as well as helpfulness such as passing out books, collecting books, and supporting the instructional atmosphere of

the classroom. The results will be tallied and posted tomorrow: Monday.  My hope is that they see a clear connection between their attention (or lackof it) and their grade. I expect some heated conversations as well.

During the testing I shared responsibility for a group of 11th graders taking a practice ACT, with another teacher, Ms. D. She and I had opportunities to chat in whispers and I learned she is a single teacher with a tough life. Any grain of self-pity was buried when I heard her tell me, (after prompting), that she and her father shared guardianship of four of her nieces and nephews, and that she had to work a second job to make ends meet. One of her sisters had a crack-cocaine addiction and was in and out

of jail. Another sister (who had children) was in jail. The grandmother had been raising that sister's children up until it was discovered that the teenage son had been molesting his 9-year-old sister. This teacher was raising her siblings' children with the help of her father, while putting her

own life on hold. Life isn't fair. So when her car was impounded on Wed. for having an expired driver's license and outstanding parking tickets, I found myself in awe of her strength and focus as a teacher. 

She described teaching math to the lowest performing high school students, not those with

I.E.P.'s but just classrooms full of students who had not learned to add or subtract single digits mentally. I wish my graduate studies at the University of Michigan would study the prevalence of this situation and work to prepare teachers for this. 

Meanwhile, our school may be shut down if the students' scores do not improve at least 10% in each subject measured for Adequate Yearly Progress (AYP) as defined by No Child Left Behind. As it stands now, teachers' unions have no authority to prevent job losses due to this federal mandate which has put pressure on teachers and schools to "turn around" the failure rate of their students. One more year of failures, for many high schools around Detroit means shut down, firings, and ???? what happens to our 1200 students? I reflected on this with a fellow teacher last week; the realization that the teachers in the urban high schools around Detroit right now are the best (most talented, experienced and qualified), these schools will ever see. If they (we) are fired, who will replace us?   Newbies, and those on paid internships, like Teach for America, who will burn out after two years or less. Why? Because the stress the students put on teachers emotionally is huge, and the mental and physical exhaustion of

trying to bridge the curricular standards with the students' level of performance, combined with the constant criticisms and threats made by administrators to bring student scores up is overwhelming, especially for the young, inexperienced teacher who wants to make a difference. The teacher turn-over will sky-rocket.  Perhaps, as the economy improves, many of the teachers will find less antagonistic environments, where the stakes are not so high and the odds aren't stacked against them. Urban education will be in a crisis like we've never seen.

Back to my classrooms. The behavior plans are working well for my 5th hour. They seem able to focus and desire to learn. My 4th hour has some divas (both male and female) who continue to intimidate others with loud and vulgar comments. I have to be careful with some of them because I am familiar with types of students that are cunning and can create situations in which teachers are fired. My 5th hour is noisy too. 

One student came on Friday from VOTEC dressed in scrubs, late as usual, but this time carrying an adult diaper. 5 minutes into the class he had it on over his clothing and was dancing provocatively in front of the class. Later I took his diaper and wouldn't return it until he stayed in his seat and focused on

the lesson. I never envisioned such a scenario. After school on Friday two girls from my 4th hour arranged to meet with me for "tutoring" (which means different things to different people). We met in front of the main office in the hallway since I share a puny office with the other Spanish teacher. There would be NO space at all for a third or fourth person in that room. (It was as spacious as a handicapped bathroom stall).  I used my cart to teach them two of the verbs we had been using in our restaurant scenarios. I had them repeat them and their English meanings aloud. Then I asked them how to create basic sentences in Spanish using me, te, nos, le, or les as the indirect object pronouns. They caught on quickly, but were embarrassed to be attending tutoring in the main hallway. Afterward, I gave them credit for an assignment they had failed and they left with a lighter burden. I proved to myself, that, indeed, I can teach.