Where I Exist Now

Here I am, sitting on a lovely front porch in a small town outside of a midwest college town.  It’s midday, and I’m not teaching my part-time schedule because the school hosts its “activity day”, which doesn’t include any academics.  If I were a salaried teacher, it would be a holiday, but for me, it’s a furlough of sorts.  My station as a secondary foreign language teacher has been reduced to what seems like a contracted position. I am one of many shared- time instructors who are hired through a public school district under the auspices of community education/alternative education and who are paid hourly for their instruction.  In my case, it is for two hours of foreign language instruction per day at a parochial high school.  I tell myself that I need this (unpaid) time to recuperate and heal from the disaster last year’s full-time, salaried position was. Over the summer I’ve applied to thirty or so jobs, the majority of which were in education, most of which I am “highly qualified” (to use the educational buzzword).  Five interviews resulted from which I was picked for one.  That is the one I have now, sort of.  They interviewed me for a .8 position, but gave me a .4.  I filled out my new hire paperwork next to the guy that got the .8 I thought I had gotten.  No hard feelings though.  Grateful for crumbs is where I’m at; especially after last year at a local public charter school.  It’s still a raw subject I prefer to let lie; for now.  

We have a grocery budget of $125/week. I determined this from seeing our monthly bills versus income.  That allows for a hundred to spare every few months for marching band or cross-country costs. It accounts for my 60 mile round trip gas expense and our addiction to internet and cable.  As long as we keep the heat off for as long as possible and never eat out, even with 3 hungry teenagers, two adults and a retriever-mix dog, I think we can make it on this amount.  Of course my mother’s supplements of “extras” she picks up from Costco, will ease our bottom line as well.  The problem is: I’m used to $200/week for groceries.  I like Brownberry Whole Wheat Bread for $4 a loaf, brand name cereals, good cuts of meat, prepackaged goodies (and Tim Horton’s treats now and again).  I don’t like eating leftovers either.  Today, for instance, I found Lunchables for $1 each!  I bought 4 for my youngest son who returns home hungry everyday.  Yes, he’s a picky eater, however, the lunches at school provide: milk, pizza and a fruit for a reduced price (since we qualify for the first time ever).  I also bought canned spaghetti sauce instead of the jarred type and saved four dollars!  In the back of my mind I’m thinking about the leaching of aluminum and plastic coating into a highly acidic sauce such as that of tomatoes, and the potential health problems it may cause.  I’ve been privileged for too long now and it spoils my appreciation for cheap food.  Instead, I’m guilty either way, the quality of hamburger meat vs. keeping our budget.  The budget wins nearly every time because, in the end, we want our kids to stay rooted in this community, to suck the marrow out of their high school education, and to have the security of staying in our own home.  We want them not to suffer upheaval because of our poor decisions.  

It’s really a shame that my $33K master’s degree in education (from the U of M) has entitled me to nothing, and ultimately, overqualified me for the already slim choices of teaching jobs currently available.  The federal and state budget has been making deep cuts to K-12 education for three (or more) years now.  Even well-off districts are facing decisions of becoming an “open enrollment” district, to attract more students, or increasing minimum class sizes.  Those districts with the low SES are closing neighborhood schools, shifting around teachers and hiring lots of substitutes; those that aren’t out-right shut down.  And teachers are starting to drop out and retire, due to the “more with less” attitude they’ve been served in these last years, along with an evaluation system tying their job performance score with the students’ standardized test scores.  As a foreign language teacher, my evaluation takes into account my students’ ELA standardized test scores.   My former-colleague teacher contact list is increasing.  Misery loves company, perhaps.  At some point we teachers have to look at ourselves as professionals and people deserving a modicum of respect.  If and when we demand it, we must be ready for the resulting series of events.  

I’m deciding to trust myself, which is hard as a teacher these days.   I guess I draw the line at safety and sanity, and so, as result of my decisions, here I am.