It's March 2014 now and I'm teaching, funny enough. I had told myself I was done with teaching, for good, yet, here I am.
I'm teaching, however, not trying everyday to do the impossible. I'm doing what my training, experience and conscience dictate. There is no pit in the middle of my stomach. I'm not grinding my teeth or feeling chest pains... constricted throat. It's hard to remember how it felt to be yelled at in front of my class, or to be crying but unable to leave the classroom, or be told, "maybe you're just not cut out...". Today I have three classes of Spanish, each at a different level. I'm hourly now and am paid for 17 hours a week, unless there is a holiday, PD or conferences. My first hour consists of 10 students at an alternative high school, but only 7 come regularly. They are truly young adults at ages 18-20. They share their curiosity and fear of modern life, craving the discussions about culture that help make sense of their broken and imperfect circumstances. I know when to push them, and when to back away just a little. For them, it is not a desire, but a necessity, to be able to succeed at whatever they apply themselves to. As their teacher, I have the power to create such a universe. I have the autonomy to do so. I have a classroom. I can decorate the walls, arrange the layout. I even was given a key. Maybe this sounds sarcastic, but I treasure these things tremendously.
My second and third classes are in a parochial high school 10 minutes away. There, I share a room with other teachers, though not the same hour. The 10th graders are squirrelly and seemingly unaware of basic courtesies of listening, and not using cell phones/ iPads. But they are willing to learn and want to please. Varying the modes of practice and presentation, helps them feel as though they are "playing". Their boundless energy is used toward hands' on activities, as well as the challenges and responsibilities they need. They are like tall plants needing some stakes to guide and strengthen them. It is a reward to watch them progress without even knowing it.
My 11th graders are perfectionists who are compelled to master every topic we study. With only ten students, I can easily oversee their individual progress, while praising all that they do well. These are the most loyal students of all. At mid-winter break, they asked me if I would be there next year to teach them Spanish IV.
Last year I worked much harder and lost some part of myself everyday. I had to teach in other people's classrooms, using a cart to carry all the supplies, handouts, textbooks, and corrected papers, back and forth around the school everyday. People saw me (and the other foreign language teacher) as annoyances. Our carts were slow, cumbersome and blocked their view. Maybe that is how folks in wheel chairs feel; like others are rolling their eyes as they wait for the extra moments it takes to turn a corner, or cross from tile to carpet.
The "host" teacher would stay at their desk in their classroom the whole time I was teaching. They noticed things I did or didn't do and would gain "brownie points" when they emailed the principal their findings. If a student left something on the floor in THEIR room, I was being negligent. If scissors were missing, I must have allowed students to take them and not return them. If I needed to talk with a disruptive student in the doorway of the classroom, I was "leaving the students unattended", which was a liability issue. I had started taking pictures with my phone of the floors as I entered the different rooms, just as back up if I were to be called into the principal's office.
What do you get when a school is run for profit, by incompetent administrators? Favoritism, nepotism, backward-thinking, inefficient and unsafe policies, and 40% teacher attrition. I was given an award for being the first Spanish teacher to last the whole year. It wasn't worth it.
I've had three observations so far this year. Each one has been golden. I'm asked how I would like to improve. The principal and assistant principal seem to be looking for the good in what I do in the classroom. With that approach, I'm much more comfortable talking with them and brainstorming better ways to teach. Teachers, after all, love to learn. We become depressed when knowledge and expertise are traded for obedience and silence.
If I could wave a magic wand I would be working on a PhD in Education, conducting REAL and USEFUL research to support the autonomy of teachers. The current research is lacking this, which is a crime. Instead of researching better ways to teach math to inner city kids, why not try to find out how to support a teaching staff that is willing to stay at the same school for more than three years? Why not research what teachers have learned what works while on the front lines of the nation's classrooms?
I'm teaching, however, not trying everyday to do the impossible. I'm doing what my training, experience and conscience dictate. There is no pit in the middle of my stomach. I'm not grinding my teeth or feeling chest pains... constricted throat. It's hard to remember how it felt to be yelled at in front of my class, or to be crying but unable to leave the classroom, or be told, "maybe you're just not cut out...". Today I have three classes of Spanish, each at a different level. I'm hourly now and am paid for 17 hours a week, unless there is a holiday, PD or conferences. My first hour consists of 10 students at an alternative high school, but only 7 come regularly. They are truly young adults at ages 18-20. They share their curiosity and fear of modern life, craving the discussions about culture that help make sense of their broken and imperfect circumstances. I know when to push them, and when to back away just a little. For them, it is not a desire, but a necessity, to be able to succeed at whatever they apply themselves to. As their teacher, I have the power to create such a universe. I have the autonomy to do so. I have a classroom. I can decorate the walls, arrange the layout. I even was given a key. Maybe this sounds sarcastic, but I treasure these things tremendously.
My second and third classes are in a parochial high school 10 minutes away. There, I share a room with other teachers, though not the same hour. The 10th graders are squirrelly and seemingly unaware of basic courtesies of listening, and not using cell phones/ iPads. But they are willing to learn and want to please. Varying the modes of practice and presentation, helps them feel as though they are "playing". Their boundless energy is used toward hands' on activities, as well as the challenges and responsibilities they need. They are like tall plants needing some stakes to guide and strengthen them. It is a reward to watch them progress without even knowing it.
My 11th graders are perfectionists who are compelled to master every topic we study. With only ten students, I can easily oversee their individual progress, while praising all that they do well. These are the most loyal students of all. At mid-winter break, they asked me if I would be there next year to teach them Spanish IV.
Last year I worked much harder and lost some part of myself everyday. I had to teach in other people's classrooms, using a cart to carry all the supplies, handouts, textbooks, and corrected papers, back and forth around the school everyday. People saw me (and the other foreign language teacher) as annoyances. Our carts were slow, cumbersome and blocked their view. Maybe that is how folks in wheel chairs feel; like others are rolling their eyes as they wait for the extra moments it takes to turn a corner, or cross from tile to carpet.
The "host" teacher would stay at their desk in their classroom the whole time I was teaching. They noticed things I did or didn't do and would gain "brownie points" when they emailed the principal their findings. If a student left something on the floor in THEIR room, I was being negligent. If scissors were missing, I must have allowed students to take them and not return them. If I needed to talk with a disruptive student in the doorway of the classroom, I was "leaving the students unattended", which was a liability issue. I had started taking pictures with my phone of the floors as I entered the different rooms, just as back up if I were to be called into the principal's office.
What do you get when a school is run for profit, by incompetent administrators? Favoritism, nepotism, backward-thinking, inefficient and unsafe policies, and 40% teacher attrition. I was given an award for being the first Spanish teacher to last the whole year. It wasn't worth it.
I've had three observations so far this year. Each one has been golden. I'm asked how I would like to improve. The principal and assistant principal seem to be looking for the good in what I do in the classroom. With that approach, I'm much more comfortable talking with them and brainstorming better ways to teach. Teachers, after all, love to learn. We become depressed when knowledge and expertise are traded for obedience and silence.
If I could wave a magic wand I would be working on a PhD in Education, conducting REAL and USEFUL research to support the autonomy of teachers. The current research is lacking this, which is a crime. Instead of researching better ways to teach math to inner city kids, why not try to find out how to support a teaching staff that is willing to stay at the same school for more than three years? Why not research what teachers have learned what works while on the front lines of the nation's classrooms?
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